Following on from the previous post about triggers in relationship being never about what its about and never about the other person. Here is an ancient piece of magic that can heal ruptures and de-escalate the seeds of conflict to avoid small resentments building into massive ones in an instant.

It's an essential tool I teach to those embarking on the journey of conscious couples therapy in Bristol. Ensure that both of you read this post ahead of time and are in agreement that you are both willing to give it a go next time either one of you triggers the other i.e., does or says something or not does or not says something that the other feels aggrieved over.

As soon as you become aware that the energy between you is becoming strained, request to do the Hawiian prayer or poem (if the word prayer holds a trigger for you) Ho'oponopono. The key here is that it matters not who is feeling aggrieved either party can instigate the healing process as soon as the rupture if felt.

Partner A: Are you available?

Partner B: Yes I'm available Now / No I am still mad, I will be available in an hour when I've calmed down.

When you're both available given that you both agreed to the process well before the current rupture arose. The partner who call for the prayer goes first .stand or sit facing each other with eyes closed take 3 deep breaths together open your eyes with open expression and soft gaze say the persons name and the following phases slowly and clearly with a full deep breath between each line to allow the energy of the words to be fully sent and received.

Name........I'm sorry - deep breath

Please forgive me - deep breath

I love you - deep breath

Thank you.

Then swap roles and repeat. Only caveat is must be sincere if your not able to be wait until you are. In some instances you can do it one way to the partner who is feeling aggrieved though not ready to send, this often opens them up to be able to, after they have received a sincere apology, love and gratitude.

Learn. heal. grow with Matthew.
Conscious Couples Therapist in Bristol.