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Why Conscious Couples Therapy?

Because when we become more conscious all relationships are opportunities for healing and growth.

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Deeper dive

Most of us come into the world whole and complete. Early on we learn from our caregivers through painful and pleasurable experiences. Painful experiences are those experiences where our needs were in some way unmet.

We all suffer from child hood trauma and attachment wounding in some way or other even those with the seeming most idealic upbringing, we then adapt to this early life trauma and these collective adaptations and strategies in order to get our most basis needs met and to avoid pain, this then contributes to and creates aspects of our personality.

Our personality then gets attracted to and pair bonds with a matching personality whom we often choose for having similar wounding but differing adaptive strategy’s for getting their needs met.

We fall in love, we project the ideal vision of our perfect partner onto the other and for a while enjoy living the dream. This phase lasts typically until about 7 months in or can last longer say 3 years particularly if there is little contact or long distances involved. Then the mask begins to slip and we get to see the parts or behaviours of the other that they were hiding from view and the honeymoon descends into the nightmare of the powerstruggle.

Things we once found endearing can all of a sudden bug the crap out of us, we can find ourselves forever bickering and arguing about the pettiest of things or simply feel were growing apart and fail to understand each other or get our needs met and its just not happening.


Welcome to the power struggle, where we unwittingly trigger the wounds of our partner and as they attempt to defend and protect themselves they inadvertently trigger and wound us so we enter into a spiral of pain and suffering that seems impossible to escape as we dig ourselves deeper and deeper. Almost all relationships arrive here as it is an important part of the journey.

Most couples react to it in one of three ways, and often there is a progression through all three before giving up:

1.

To fight bicker and live in a soup of  conflict and emotional point scoring, tit for tat and treating your partner as an adversary.

2.

To stay together for the kids, financial or religious reasons, co-habiting more like roommates than partners and living separate lives devoid of intimacy and passion. Both using anything as an excuse to avoid genuine connection and intimacy.

3.

To explore intimacy online or in person with someone who is seemingly more attentive and available to us and our need for connection. To have affair which in some cases leads to termination of relationship.

The important phases

As conscious couples we see that the powerstruggle is one of the important phases of our relationship journey not the inevitable destination. We see the areas of disagreement and struggles for power and defense as opportunities for learning healing and growth, not reasons to abandon ship.

Conscious Couples therapy is a methodology that transforms the relational breakdown of the powerstruggle into the breakthrough of a conscious couplehood. A modern therapeutic approach to relating. As a Conscious couple you may become aware of and understand the adaptive strategies for getting your unmet childhood needs met and how to mitigate these from triggering your partner.

When the therapeutic dialogue approach is applied to the topics that come up for attention, real treasures and gold is found ensuring a deep and profound healing to occur.

BOOK YOUR DISCOVERY CALL

“Matthew at conscious couples therapy saw me and my husband at crisis point and has really helped give us the tools to save our marriage. The form of communication he teaches has reshaped how we deal with problems and will continue to help us through the rest of our marriage. He is passionate about the work he does and really cares about the couples he works with. I would definitely recommend realignment to couples as the method he teaches really creates a much happier, calmer and safer way of communicating.”

SARAH DOWN

“This counselling was a god send for me and my husband. When we contacted Matthew, our marriage was in such a bad place. We had started looking at divorce lawyer. However, after agreeing to do Matthew's counselling. We both realised though we loved each other. Our language, ability to listen, story we are telling ourselves, and interpretation of our partner was causing such barriers. Matthew allowed us, using his style of the imago method to open our world up to each other and really listen. He allowed us to reflect on why we react to things and brings in childhood traumas and trigger for healing and understanding. I would highly recommend.”

YASMIN

“Matthew was brilliant to work with the guidance and advice that was given to me, personally has helped me understand how to communicate so much better with my partner, I found our communication getting better after each session and it created a much calmer atmosphere, I also felt it wasn’t just working to communicate better with my partner, Matt really helped me dive into myself as person to be more conscious. I would 100% recommend Matthew. Thank you so much!”

RYAN

“Matthew was great! We've gained so much from our time with him and our relationship has never been stronger. Thank you Matthew!”

CHRIS AND DANI

“I cannot thank Matthew enough for providing me and my husband the best guidance, support encouragement and understanding throughout our couples counselling. Matthew creates a relaxed, friendly and safe environment to help open communication. You can tell he really cares for his clients. The therapy that Matthew gives allows you to have the tools to take with you forever! I highly recommend Matthew for any couples and individual counselling!”

ZOE

“Although I wasn’t sure about “conscious couples” when we signed up I cant thank Matthew enough for the transformation of our relationship. We were like passing ships in the night after years of resentment on both sides, always finding other priorities to avoid spending intimate time together. Even our children were worrying about us. Matthew's knowledgable warm and passionate approach showed us a wonderful mirror and gave us tools and exercises to reconnect and rediscover the fun and the spark we’d lost. Thank you.”

JAMES

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